Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Mid-7th transfer Update

My mind is blank as I am about to compose this email. I don't know where to start. I guess with the week, just like all other weekly updates, I would just share what I remember (and it is usually a lot as I type them).
So this week, we met this wonderful 18 year old on chat by the name of Nicole. She's pretty amazing and I love her. She's really interested in joining the church but her parents are against it. What is so special about her? I'm not really sure. But I went into a tough battle of trying to maintain her contact information in my connect is because it's being passed around and taken from me numerous times. But I guess... one thing that I have learned from that experience is to be patient and have faith.
I guess Faith and Patience are the Christ-like attribute theme for me last week because I get easily irritated. I would somehow blame the female hormones but I knew that it's not really a valid excuse. There was a point that my companion told me to relax and calm down. Finally, I did yesterday when I took my Anti-allergy medications and because I was so drowsy, I took 5 to 10 minute naps as to not also affect the work. The very day that I got super stressed out and irritated was the day before, Saturday, when I tried to explain our purpose as missionaries in the simplest way that I could but still, people could not just understand. I really got so frustrated that I broke down but my companion (she is just the sweetest!) shared me 2 Nephi 33:1 that says 

And now I, Nephi, cannot write all the things which were taught among my people; neither am I mighty in writing, like unto speaking; for when a man speaketh by the power of the Holy Ghostthe power of the Holy Ghost carrieth it unto the hearts of the children of men.
The reason why I got the word "unto" underlined is that because she explained to me, "Sister Ngo, you did great. You explained yourself well. You brought the Spirit. But they also have the agency to choose whether they would feel the Spirit or not." - Isn't she a wonderful missionary? I am grateful for her and for her example. She is so emotionally strong that there was a point that I thought of getting into anti-anxiety medications suggested by Sister Kris Carpenter (my psychologist from the LDS Family Services.) But somehow, I was able to shake of the thought and said that I could do this. This is just the Lord stretching me out of my comfort zone in order to make me grow. And last night, after realizing that I'm falling into that pit of being super stressed out and getting into inadequacy, guilt and shame (I couldn't sleep again last night because of it), I submitted myself to humble prayer and poured everything out to Heavenly Father. Enos 1:1-12 came into my mind as I imagined Enos praying to the Lord all day and all night to receive a remission of his sins. I felt better and was able to go to sleep a few minutes later.
The highlight probably of this week is that I have received an answer to my prayer about the feeling of inadequacy. As we had our district study earlier, I just felt a whisper saying "you are forgiven" as we listened to Brad Wilcox's talk "His Grace is Sufficient." I love that talk that I want to read on it again and again and think that no matter what happens, the Lord will always be there. Just don't give up when we fall short and strive to become better and closer to God.
Well, I guess my invitation to all of you is that if you have time, to read this talk (attached) and to ponder on reflect on it. I promise that it is a good talk and it did come from the Father. It's His message to all of us, who always fall short sometimes feel that we can never be perfect. Don't give up. He is there.

When we understand grace, we understand that the blessings of Christ’s Atonement are continuous and His strength is perfect in our weakness. When we understand grace, we can, as itsays in the Doctrine and Covenants, 'continue in patience until [we] are perfected'"
I love all of you!

Sister Kristel Marie Cruz Ngo
Utah Salt Lake City Temple Square Mission

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