HELLO FAMILY and FRIENDS!!!!
I have a feeling that I might be Bipolar. I think the evidence would be is that I am in a manic stage but then again, I think it's because this week is really a reason to rejoice. Every single day is special even though it's just like any other ordinary day. I don't know. I'm just excited to share what has been happening in the past week. Before that though, I would just like to thank you all for a lot of emails. Some of them longer than expected but I really do appreciate them. Those emails keep me sane.
So, because of my bad memory (I am not a perfect teacher nor a perfect missionary), I
couldn't remember all that has happened but probably I might just share the highlights or give a short and detailed overview of what happened. So last week, I have this impression that I am not doing the work as I should and felt like I have just been in a mediocre level of my labors when I am supposed to put a little more effort to it. Somehow, I realized that I have not been feeling the Spirit so powerfully. That evening upon coming to that realization, I wrote in my journal and pouring out my feelings and the insight just came to me. One of the apostles, I don't really remember who (confused between Elder Holland and Elder Christofferson) mentioned that sometimes as missionaries, we get trapped on thinking that doing missionary things are making us fulfill our purpose. I wrote then in my journal that that is not the case. I have come to realize that in order to fulfill our purpose is we must deeply understand WHY we are doing missionary work instead of HOW we are doing it. It reminded me of what President Maandig told us once during one of our ward conferences that we need to be focusing on the WHY. I thought about it for some time and I came to the conclusion that I need to change my way of thinking and set my mind to refocus on how I view my work as a sister missionary on Temple Square.
I think one thing that helped me refocus is when we had Zone Conference. I really loved this transfer's Zone Conference since it focused well on the Spirit and probably the central theme is to remind us WHY we came on our missions, HOW we got our testimonies (or so to speak, our convictions...) about the restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I thought about of how all of these things are starting to make sense to me and more, I felt the Spirit working in me and leading me to progress towards the missionary that I wanted to become.
The central theme probably for my mission is to focus on the Christlike attribute of Obedience. I have always had the reminder of being obedient throughout my mission so that I would be able to see miracles. I had been so focused that sometimes I get really frustrated. But Christlike attributes all go together. I cannot be EXACTLY obedient when I am not patient nor charitable. It really doesn't make it any sense to me come to think about it. I went on exchanges with my district leader, Sister Gee this week and she kept telling me that I am doing great as a trainer and as a missionary and I am doing the best that I can in doing the work of the Lord, being purpose-focused and always seeking to improve and take correction. I have grown much and looking back before I came, I couldn't even imagine myself going back to who I was. I am becoming the missionary that I wanted to be. Now the challenge is, how can I become the missionary that the LORD wants me to be? Yesterday, Sister Lucas shared a talk about exact obedience. Something that stood out to me was, "If you are holding on to the things according to your own will, you are not doing the Lord's will." I have been contemplating about that thought and what I have received is that being exactly obedient is following mission rules, keeping the commandments of God, not because I have to, but because I WANT to. Then she said "the true measure of success is to follow what Heavenly Father wants us to do. We will feel successful when we are shaped into the person that the Lord wants us to become."
I really do testify that being EXACTLY obedient is a quest. I found myself feeling really sad during the temple session earlier when memories of my past started to come into my mind and I have tried to battle those thoughts away and to remain positive and to be more receptive to the Spirit. As I was doing so, I suddenly heard the words "...those that are in this room that need a special blessing, that they may have peace." That definitely stood out to me and I felt that it was as if the Lord heard the prayers of my heart. And the scripture in Luke 8:48 came to me and it says "...Daughter, be of good comfort: thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace." How I really appreciate these small (or great) Tender Mercies!
Assignment for the week! Read Joseph Smith-History 1:10-17 and think about what is something that we can learn from this part of Joseph's Smith's life and how we could apply ourselves. I promise you that as you do these things, you would be able to see that there is more to the story of the restoration of the gospel. :D
Enjoy reading my very long email and... my missionary-manner. :D
Sister Kristel Marie Cruz Ngo (吳姐妹)Utah Salt Lake City Temple Square Mission
P.S. Today is Zone Activity Day and we are on our way to the distribution Center!
And here's a photo of... ELDER REIS from THE DISTRICT!
(and I promise I am repenting because we are not supposed to do this on the Square! XP)