Monday, October 07, 2013

Still Waiting...

As days go by, I'm getting either less excited to go on my mission or I just realized I'm being patient enough not to think of it.This past few days have been very busy and stressful that I somehow feel guilty that I haven't been reading the scriptures for like... 4 days now due to over-exhaustion, being sick and doing all the things I needed to do.

But I'm looking forward to General Conference. I know there's a message for me there. Facebook spoilers already shown me that fact, especially with the quote from President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Second Counselor of the First Presidency when he said
"Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith."
It was a simple reminder for me to always think that God is able to do what seemed impossible for man to do. It became the thing that's keeping me sane, intact and holding on when I feel like giving up. Letting go but holding on. It may seem ambiguous but when you try to think of it, as Nathan said, Letting go is different and holding on is another thing.

Every single day, my health has been getting worse. My coughing included moments of gag reflexes, wanting to expel the airway secretions out. It's not normal for me and I admit, even if I'm a medical professional and know for a certain this is just an allergic reaction from an unknown and unseen source, it's making me a bit alarmed and worried. But I need to think positively and try to rest as I could. I couldn't stop praying in my heart for Heavenly Father to keep me strong.

I have to admit, seeing others having their mission calls and getting ready to leave in a month or two is making me jealous and wished that I had gone sooner than expected. But I guess it's the will of the Lord based on my decisions. I have been a stubborn one with little faith that no one knew. Yes, knowledge of the gospel is a factor but how can you be spiritually mature if you do not practice what you have learned? As Paul said, "Faith without works is dead."

Every now and then I would visit the missionary portal to see if there are any updates I could do or maybe review. The countdown for the MTC is making me a bit nervous than excited, because maybe I have a feeling of it being moved once more to a later date. I find that okay since I will be spending Christmas with my family, but a bit down because it would make me wait a little longer. But I still have my hopes up. I know He's still trying to prepare me a little bit more. My mission, I know, will be the best challenge for me than the Nursing Licensure Examinations. It determines not only my spiritual but also my personal growth.

Whatever happens, there's always a purpose. But never forget the things that pushed you to be where you are today. Try to face this life full of hope rather than regrets... and you'll eventually find out in the end, it'll all be worth it.

"...the only thing that matters is that you learn to love the people. If you learn to love the people you are serving, then everything will just fall into place.” 
- Elder Weidmann (to Brother/ Elder Seth Adam Smith)
♥ Sister Ngo.

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