So, here's what happened. After feeling so exhausted earlier, I finally broke down and cry. I couldn't do it anymore and I feel like letting it all go and give up right then and there. After opening up to Jyles, I couldn't take it any longer that I decided to call Nathan to seek some help and counsel.
Nathan told me a lot of things that made me feel better. He said I'm becoming mature spiritually and emotionally. At least I'm trying to let go and know for a fact that I couldn't really do everything. He said that when I felt like giving up, I need to think of what was making me hold on for so long. I told him it was because of my faith. I knew God would help me get through this. I'll be leaving it all to Him. This was my first answer. My comforting words. But I ended up crying once again after a few minutes.
After all the stress was done, I was able to calm down and kept praying in my mind for Heavenly Father to give me the miracle I needed. I couldn't do this alone. This is His work and I am only an instrument, but I needed help. I try my best as not to question God why He's letting these things happen to me, making me so stressed out and so sick (since I've been having this non-stop cough for two weeks now.) I kept praying for a miracle, I know He hadn't forsaken me. And I know He would be with me throughout this project but still, I felt so down because of the exhaustion. But the problem wasn't about the project, it was about me. I feel inadequate.
I was able to calm down quite some time after eating lunch and was thinking of my talk for a baptism later on at Capitol Ward. The ward mission leader invited me to talk and to my happiness, finding out that one of my district future missionary being baptized (Sister Pamela Eborde). Little did I know that with that baptismal service, I would be able to find another answer that would keep me stronger. It gave me much comfort and I have to thank Joseph Dallin Plania for it. When I gave my talk, I felt the words come out of my mouth "Even after we get baptized, we will still be facing challenges. All we need to do is have faith in the Lord and His gospel and try as much to endure to the very end so we could go back to His presence in His kingdom." The words I gave was powerful enough to realize that I'm giving myself an advice to be stronger than I am. The Lord knows that I'm doing my best for this pageant and He knows I could do it. He's teaching me to have faith and endure.
After the baptism proper, it was Bishop Edmond Cordero's turn to speak. I enjoyed listening to his words but the scripture he quoted (where in he also said was his favorite) really touched my heart that I was able to remember it until now. He quoted Doctrine and Covenants 136: 31 (but I wish to include verses 32 and 33) which states:
31 My people must bea tried in all things, that they may be prepared to receive theb glory that I have for them, even the glory of Zion; and he that will notc bear chastisement is not worthy of my kingdom.
32 Let him that isa ignorantb learnc wisdom byd humbling himself and calling upon the Lord his God, that hise eyes may be opened that he may see, and his ears opened that he may hear;
33 For myIt seemed to become clear to me that Heavenly Father wanted me to be tried and tested to prepare me of my blessings in His kingdom. He is teaching me to be humble and to trust and call upon God. He is telling me to have more faith, to endure well, to do the best that I can even with the smallest efforts that I'm doing so I could make faster progressions with the work He has given me. I realized that Heavenly Father is doing the same thing to me as well. He wants me to grow and progress.a Spirit is sent forth into the world to enlighten theb humble and contrite, and to thec condemnation of the ungodly.
After that small service, I asked Joseph to go with me to Sikatuna Chapel to check on the auditions, only to find out it really got cancelled because no one even went. I never really feel down whenever I'm with him because Joseph always makes me laugh. (If you could see a blossoming love story between the two of us, I'm sorry to say, we're just "special" friends with silly stuffs in our minds. We did date a couple of times including today but that doesn't mean we're an item.) I'm grateful for his craziness and abnormality. That's what I love about him, he makes me forget of my troubles and worries. I just somehow think if he's my soulmate or my future companion but nah... not my priority and not hoping for it. (I'm not ready for a commitment yet and so does he.)
Then Brother Fred Dimaya called, and we really talked about concerns and what else needs to be done with the pageant. I also thank him for being observant and I know he knows how I feel. He's really a big help to this production. Jude's lucky to have a father dedicated to the church, but I can't blame Jude, he's in my generation. XD
So basically, that's what happened today. I am grateful for the blessings. I know God loves me as His royal spirit daughter. I know that He will always be there for me. As President Thomas S. Monson said,
My dear sisters, your Heavenly Father loves you—each of you. That love never changes... It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve love. It is simply always there.I am grateful for the Gospel. I know that the Truth has been restored. I know for a certain that President Monson is called of God. I know that Heavenly Father knows us better than we knew ourselves, that He loves us and will always be there for us. I know that we never walk alone.
Keep your faith strong.
Love,
Sister Ngo
